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Learn DBT Skills In A Group
Weekly sessions are available. Grouport offers therapist-led dialectical behavior therapy skills groups online. The first 12 weeks covers fundamental DBT skills.
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Engaging in an argument with a narcissist can feel like navigating a minefield. They have a way of twisting words and manipulating situations to make themselves look better while putting the blame on others. If you've ever found yourself in a heated exchange with a narcissist, you’ve probably heard them say certain phrases that leave you confused or frustrated. These words and phrases are not just meaningless noise; they often serve a deeper, more insidious purpose. Let's take a closer look at some things narcissists say during arguments and what they really mean.
One of the most common phrases narcissists use in arguments is, "It's your fault." This statement may be spoken with a tone of superiority or condescension, but what it really means is that they are unwilling to take any responsibility for their actions. Narcissists refuse to admit their wrongdoings because it would undermine their inflated sense of self. They often twist situations to make you feel like the problem lies with you, not them.
What they really mean: "I am not capable of owning my mistakes, so I will deflect the blame to you." Narcissists cannot bear the thought of being seen as imperfect or vulnerable. Instead, they shift the focus onto others, leaving you to take the fall for things they might have caused.
When a narcissist feels cornered in an argument, they may say, "You're too sensitive" or "You're overreacting." This is another tactic designed to invalidate your feelings. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, the narcissist will downplay your emotions in an attempt to make you doubt yourself.
What they really mean: "I don't want to acknowledge the pain I’ve caused, so I’ll make you feel like you're the problem instead." This tactic is meant to silence you, making you feel like you're exaggerating or being unreasonable. In reality, the narcissist wants to avoid accountability for their hurtful behavior.
Another classic move in an argument with a narcissist is when they accuse you of "always" doing something. Whether it's about being late, being angry, or making a mistake, they will use the word "always" to exaggerate your actions and paint you as someone who never changes.
What they really mean: "I am deflecting attention from my own shortcomings and painting you as the perpetual problem." By making broad, sweeping statements, the narcissist avoids having to address the specific issue at hand. They focus on your behavior in an unrealistic and unfair way to shift the blame away from their actions.
When you express frustration or anger during a disagreement, a narcissist might respond with, "Why are you so angry?" This statement is a manipulation tactic used to redirect the conversation. Instead of focusing on the issue at hand, they want to draw attention to your emotional state, making it seem like your anger is the problem.
What they really mean: "I don't want to address the real issue, so I will shift the focus to how you're reacting." This tactic is meant to invalidate your feelings and make you feel guilty for being upset, instead of discussing the hurtful behavior that triggered your emotions in the first place.
When a narcissist feels threatened or challenged, they might claim that you're "just jealous" of them. This is often said in an attempt to undermine your concerns or feelings, especially when they perceive that you’re questioning their behavior or attention.
What they really mean: "I don't want to admit that my actions are problematic, so I'll make you look small by suggesting that you're only upset because you envy me." This statement deflects attention away from their behavior, shifting the blame to your supposed insecurities or jealousy, rather than addressing any valid grievances you may have.
A narcissist may try to make you feel inferior by claiming, "You don’t understand me." This is often said when they feel misunderstood or when they want to avoid discussing a deeper issue. They may use it as a way to play the victim and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
What they really mean: "I don't want to explain myself or be held accountable, so I will make it seem like you are incapable of understanding me." This puts the onus on you to understand them while avoiding the true issue or any self-reflection on their part.
A narcissist may tell you, "You should be thankful," especially when you express dissatisfaction with something they've done or failed to do. They may say this when they feel their actions deserve recognition or praise, and they want to guilt-trip you into being appreciative, even when their behavior is hurtful or selfish.
What they really mean: "I want you to feel indebted to me, and I want to manipulate you into seeing my actions as positive, even if they don't really benefit you." This statement serves to manipulate and control, suggesting that you’re ungrateful or disrespectful for having an issue with their behavior.
Arguing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Their words are often carefully crafted to deflect blame, invalidate your emotions, and protect their fragile ego. It's crucial to recognize these tactics for what they are: manipulative strategies designed to make you doubt yourself and reinforce their sense of superiority.
Understanding what narcissists really mean when they say certain things in an argument can help you navigate these situations more effectively. Ultimately, the best way to deal with a narcissist in an argument is to set boundaries, avoid getting drawn into their manipulative rhetoric, and stay focused on your own feelings and needs.
Grouport Therapy provides online group therapy, individual therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, intensive outpatient program, teen therapy, and a DBT-Self Guided Program. All our sessions are therapist-led, held virtually, and meet over video chat at the same time each week. All our sessions are therapist-led and are held virtually and meet over video chat at the same time each week. For group therapy, we have groups on many topics including Dialectical Behavior Therapy "DBT", Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety & Depression, Trauma & PTSD, Anger Management, OCD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Relationship Issues, Divorce, Narcissistic Abuse, Self-Compassion, Grief & Loss, Parenting, Substance Abuse, Supporting A Loved one with BPD, among others. Each group is led by a licensed therapist that typically has over a decade of experience treating a wide range of specialties, and the group meets at the same time each week for an hour with the same members and therapist.
As reported by our members, 70% experienced significant progress within 8 weeks, including reduced anxiety & depression symptoms.
Our care coordinators can help assist you to craft the perfect treatment plan for you that's tailored to your needs. We provide speedy matches to quality care, and also provide the flexibility to switch your therapist or group at anytime ensuring that you're always meeting with the right therapist fit at a time that's convenient for your schedule. Whatever type of therapy you’re seeking, Grouport offers a range of options to suit your schedule and preferences. Explore our programs to find the support you need. If you need help finding the right type of therapy, schedule a free call with a care coordinator here.
We offer online group therapy, & each group has a personalized program of guidance, support, skills, and advice developed by our therapists.
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