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Learn DBT Skills In A Group
Weekly sessions are available. Grouport offers therapist-led dialectical behavior therapy skills groups online. The first 12 weeks covers fundamental DBT skills.
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Sometimes, we all find ourselves in situations where we unintentionally hurt someone's feelings. Whether it's a sharp comment, a dismissive gesture, or a tone of voice that comes across as cold, it's easy to hurt others without meaning to. Recognizing that our actions or words have unintentionally caused harm is an important step in growing emotionally and improving relationships.
If you want to stop being mean unintentionally, it all starts with awareness, empathy, and developing better communication habits. Here’s a guide to help you foster kindness and respect in every conversation.
The first step to breaking the cycle of unintentionally being mean is understanding why it happens in the first place. Several factors can contribute:
By becoming aware of these patterns, we can begin to address them. Self-reflection is key—take a moment to reflect on situations where you may have unintentionally hurt someone and ask yourself why it happened.
One of the simplest ways to stop being unintentionally mean is by practicing active listening. Often, our responses are influenced by how we interpret or assume the other person feels. Active listening involves giving the other person your full attention, asking clarifying questions, and ensuring you truly understand their perspective before responding.When we listen carefully, we can avoid jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, or responding defensively—all of which can make us sound mean or dismissive. By validating the other person’s emotions, we create an environment of mutual respect and understanding.
In our fast-paced world, we’re often trained to respond immediately, but this can lead to saying things that are hurtful or mean. A simple but powerful strategy is to pause before speaking. Take a few seconds to consider your words and tone. This pause can give you the opportunity to reflect on whether your response is kind, helpful, or necessary.
This moment of mindfulness can help you express yourself more thoughtfully, reducing the chances of unintentionally causing harm.
When we use “you” statements, we often make the other person feel defensive. For example, saying “You never listen to me” places blame directly on the other person. This can make them feel attacked, even if that wasn’t your intention.A more compassionate approach is using “I” statements, which focus on your own feelings and experiences instead of pointing fingers. For example:
“I” statements communicate your feelings without accusing the other person, which helps keep the conversation respectful and productive.
Words are powerful, but so are tone and body language. Even if you intend to be kind, a sharp tone or defensive posture can convey the opposite message. When speaking, pay attention to the energy behind your words. Are you sounding frustrated, impatient, or dismissive? Are your arms crossed, or are you looking away?Make an effort to soften your tone, make eye contact, and use open body language. These nonverbal cues help ensure that your words are received as kind and respectful.
Sometimes, even with the best intentions, we slip up. We might accidentally say something hurtful or make someone feel uncomfortable. In those moments, it’s essential to take responsibility for our actions.A sincere apology can go a long way in healing any unintended harm caused. Instead of deflecting or offering excuses, simply acknowledge the impact your words or actions had on the other person. For example:
An apology that shows you understand the other person’s feelings can help rebuild trust and communication in the relationship.
Changing habits and communication styles takes time. It’s important to be patient with yourself during this process. Set small goals to improve your communication, like practicing active listening or checking in with yourself before responding. Over time, these habits will become second nature.Additionally, seek feedback from others. Ask trusted friends or family members how they perceive your communication style and whether they feel hurt by anything you say or do. This feedback can offer valuable insights into areas for growth.
At the heart of not being mean unintentionally is empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. By putting ourselves in other people’s shoes, we can better anticipate how they might feel in different situations and choose our words carefully.Empathy also helps us to respond more kindly, even when we don’t agree with someone or feel frustrated. It allows us to approach conversations with a sense of compassion, which fosters positive relationships and reduces misunderstandings.
We all have moments when we unintentionally hurt others, but recognizing this and making an effort to change can lead to stronger, more meaningful relationships. By practicing active listening, being mindful of our words and tone, and showing empathy, we can stop being mean unintentionally and create a more compassionate world for everyone around us. Change takes time, but the effort is always worth it.
Grouport Therapy provides online group therapy, individual therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, intensive outpatient program, teen therapy, and a DBT-Self Guided Program. All our sessions are therapist-led, held virtually, and meet over video chat at the same time each week. All our sessions are therapist-led and are held virtually and meet over video chat at the same time each week. For group therapy, we have groups on many topics including Dialectical Behavior Therapy "DBT", Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety & Depression, Trauma & PTSD, Anger Management, OCD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Relationship Issues, Divorce, Narcissistic Abuse, Self-Compassion, Grief & Loss, Parenting, Substance Abuse, Supporting A Loved one with BPD, among others. Each group is led by a licensed therapist that typically has over a decade of experience treating a wide range of specialties, and the group meets at the same time each week for an hour with the same members and therapist.
As reported by our members, 70% experienced significant progress within 8 weeks, including reduced anxiety & depression symptoms.
Our care coordinators can help assist you to craft the perfect treatment plan for you that's tailored to your needs. We provide speedy matches to quality care, and also provide the flexibility to switch your therapist or group at anytime ensuring that you're always meeting with the right therapist fit at a time that's convenient for your schedule. Whatever type of therapy you’re seeking, Grouport offers a range of options to suit your schedule and preferences. Explore our programs to find the support you need. If you need help finding the right type of therapy, schedule a free call with a care coordinator here.
We offer online group therapy sessions for relationship challenges to help participants learn to improve interpersonal effectiveness.
Space is limited, so reserve your seat today.
